As a transplant to Utah I’m still very much in the season of making new friends and getting to know people. We don’t know each other’s back story. We don’t know each other’s struggles and triumphs. It’s all new. The other day I was at the gym with one of my new friends—because really they’re… Continue reading Pregnancy Broke my Body, but I Don’t Need to Stay Broken
I looked at the dish. My hands shaking as they held the pieces. I looked at my son. As calmly as I could, looked at my husband and said “I need some time.” In my room I closed my eyes and let the tears flow. It was true. Mommy was sad.
I’ve shared this before and feel it’s important to keep sharing: That while those unwanted houseguests wanted to rob the joy of my first child, while they played tricks on my body telling it it wasn’t hungry and that I didn’t need to eat, while I began wasting away body and mind, while everything felt like it was falling apart, in the midst of it all, I stopped and I got help.
It was the 90s. My Dad and brother had just died; my little community had been riddled with a string of suicides. The pastor of my tiny church was dying of cancer and I was sneaking Marlboro reds behind the oleanders with the neighbor girl. I was in the 6th grade and my world was… Continue reading A Journal and a Jewel CD
***from 3/15 I remember the deep and cold winter that followed the birth of my son. He was born during a snowy Colorado winter, and for reasons beyond my understanding that ice seemed to permeate more than just the exterior of my home. While I felt this incredible wonder and deep wild love for this… Continue reading Prayers for Postpartum Moms
February is one of my favorite months out of the year. At the beginning of the month we celebrate my son’s birth, at the end of the month we celebrate my daughters’, mid-month we celebrate my favorite made up holiday, which justifies eating lots of dark chocolate and heart-shaped cookies. But in the midst of all… Continue reading February Love, February Grief