Words

work is love made visible

-Khalil Gibran

  • An Invitation to Slow Living – If Only for Today
    Today, my body feels older than my thirty-some years, I scroll Instagram and see young mothers who seem to have all the energy.
  • It’s Been a While
    The world needs to you come to life.
  • Postal in the Post Office – Mom Life
    The line in the post office was long. I had two kids in tow and we were quickly approaching naptime, but I had a package I needed to get out so I hoped for the best and stayed the course. The line slowly shuffled forward. My son said words like “boring” andContinue reading “Postal in the Post Office – Mom Life”
  • Our Numbered Days – Parenting
    We rush into swim lessons. Baby girl in on my hip. She is perfectly capable of walking but for the sake of expediency I whisk her into my arms. My little boy holds her foot, tugging me in a downward backward motion. I just want to get out of the hot sun.Continue reading “Our Numbered Days – Parenting”
  • How We Cope
    Last week a 6-year-old Alabama boy is murdered in the backseat of his Mother’s stolen car. Yesterday a home-made bomb maims and kills over twenty people. From the cozy interior of my Utah home life hasn’t changed. But it has. It does. The weight of life’s seemingly endless cruelty and senselessness canContinue reading “How We Cope”
  • Pregnancy Broke my Body, but I Don’t Need to Stay Broken
    As a transplant to Utah I’m still very much in the season of making new friends and getting to know people. We don’t know each other’s back story. We don’t know each other’s struggles and triumphs. It’s all new. The other day I was at the gym with one of my newContinue reading “Pregnancy Broke my Body, but I Don’t Need to Stay Broken”
  • Follow the Sun
    Rows upon rows of sunflowers, my Papa’s favorite. It seemed no matter which direction we turned we were welcomed with more sunflowers. We no longer needed to look at our watches to keep time, the sunflowers did it for us.
  • Less, then Lovely
    A weekend viewing of The Minimalists new documentary appropriately titled, Minimalism, spurred a renewed vigor to purge the unnecessary things in our home. Sunday afternoon found my husband cleaning out his side of the closet and chest of drawers. By national standards we already own much less than the average American, nonetheless…Continue reading “Less, then Lovely”
  • Beauty from Ashes
    Sometimes in our little community we could lose where one of us ended and the other began. We, in some ways, just melted into each other.
  • Monthly Minimalist: Kid Stuff
    Just the other day I sat with a group of moms talking about our “organizational tricks and tips” I, of course, returned to my favorite The Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up penned by the Japanese sweetheart of tidiness Marie Kondo.
  • Because We Must
    We have talkers, communicators, poets and story tellers. Yes, these are our children. Little one’s who beg for one more book, one more story from our mouths. Like a cup with holes in the bottom, draining out and leaving space for more, more, more.
  • Chin Up, Darling
    Seattle, sometime in the early 2000’s. I was a teen-child visiting my Aunt. She was well traveled and well versed in big city life. We went with friends to see Beauty and Beast at the Paramount. The play let out late but as we exited I noticed the large groups of peopleContinue reading “Chin Up, Darling”
  • Wellness, the Source
    The source of true wellness is so incredibly deep. Deep like the roots of a 100-year-old tree, deep like a well it’s self.
  • Be Brave and Do the Work
    Every few months I fall back into this self-loathing self-doubting trap. I wallow in it, this miserable feeling of ineptitude. I come up with every excuse in the book and inevitably begin dusting off my resume. I scan online job posts and of course feel even worse. What’s a girl with aContinue reading “Be Brave and Do the Work”
  • As Thankful as Ever
    We sit on the floor. The littles and dogs playing around me. The kids—baby clad in footy pajamas and little boy in his usual Superman suit—build blocks and destroy them. Padawan training for the baby. She’s not quiet a Jedi, still learning to master the force. My husband’s new “friend” Alexa playsContinue reading “As Thankful as Ever”
  • The Importance of Noticing the Little Things
    It is so easy to get caught up in all of life’s busy-ness, to fall head first into responsibility, productivity, and the general go go go of it all. I get it. We need to be responsible and productive in life. We need to get stuff done.
  • You’re Going to be a Pastor’s Wife?
    She might as well have said, “Look here little lady, I’ve known your family for a long time, I’ve been told things about you, and there is no way in H.E.Double Hockey sticks that you are remotely qualified to be married to a Pastor.” Or better yet, “You are not (never-ever-going to be) good enough…”
  • My Fall Capsule Wardrobe 
    It was spring. I began doing what I always do in spring—purging. This time however I wanted to approach it differently. I wanted to make it more lasting. I wanted to create simplicity in my life. I’d recently begun reading Marie Kondo’s The Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up. I love the premiseContinue reading “My Fall Capsule Wardrobe “
  • Thankful I’m Not There Yet 
    Amid our country’s recent-enough economic crisis my dreams were dashed to smithereens. Newly married and living in a new State I found finding a new job in my field to be near impossible.
  • Freedom From Category
    We don’t see ourselves as big enough, energetic enough, or simply enough. We define ourselves by our failures rather than our successes. We beat ourselves up, for whatever the reason.
  • The Third Grader In Me
    She stopped, turned and said “yeah.” Not “yeah” in a sure, but I’ll blow you off sort of way, but “yeah” in let’s swap numbers and grab a coffee.
  • That Old Dog
    I’d conned him. Flat-out lied to him. I stole from him.
  • Done, Not Done 
    I was so utterly done when she finally came. I gave away everything, all the infant accessories, bouncers and bassinets. Be rid of you swings and baby playmats, we’re on to better things.
  • I Love You Bigger Than My Body
    No one else loves me bigger than their body. They may appreciate my work, my efforts, my writing, my whatever, but nothing I do, can do, will do, will ever make them love me bigger than their body.
  • That Preacher Man’s Wife
    Directly across the street were the rent-darting true Colorado “we did this before it was legal” pot heads who kept their pirate skull Halloween decorations up year around.
  • When Life Becomes a Disney Movie
    To the pile of laundry in my closet, “Let it go, let it go…”
  • The Witching Hour 
    Everything had been just fine. I swear it. The baby was happily playing at my feet and little man was in the basement with a small horde of his extremely loud friends playing ninja Spider-Man. I finally unpacked the suitcases I’d shoved in the back of our closet. I felt accomplished, weContinue reading “The Witching Hour “
  • Coloring Outside the Lines
    To the potential dismay of his teacher I will continue allowing him to color outside the lines, I may even encourage it a little. Because we cannot truly be categorized, we do not live inside a box, we do not live in black and white. We live in a wild wonderful world, complete with colors abundant, flavors to be tasted and savored.
  • How a Year in Provence Changed My Life 
    The ground floor was occupied by a fish market. My shoes often smelled of fish water, but I couldn’t be bothered. We lived on the second floor, my roommate and I, with whom I had a falling out weeks before our return to the states, never to be reconciled. Something to do with her not liking my boyfriend.
  • The Missing Out
    I stand back, and in the strangest way look at my life, my children, my husband, the interaction of those around me, and the interaction of myself within those interactions. It’s all very surreal, the bigness of it, and yet the incredible smallness of it.
  • Starting with a Marathon 
    I have never been much of a distance runner. I don’t have long legs, endurance, or the mental fortitude required to run, run and run. In High School I wanted so badly to be a part of a team.
  • Acknowledging Sad
    I looked at the dish. My hands shaking as they held the pieces. I looked at my son. As calmly as I could, looked at my husband and said “I need some time.” In my room I closed my eyes and let the tears flow. It was true. Mommy was sad.
  • The Space Between Us
    Seven years ago, shortly after we said our “I do’s” we caught a flight to Hawaii to honeymoon. All in all we had some really beautiful moments on the Big Island, but I’d be lying if I said it was totally wonderful. A few days in we were at each others throats. Me screaming. Him silent. Both of us thinking “did I make a mistake?”
  • Everything I never knew I always wanted
    Can I tell you a secret? I don’t normally do this, tell secrets, but sometimes, maybe, sharing something you’ve suppressed or held down can be life-giving, freeing. Not just for the secret holder, but for the ears that hear.
  • My Computer Doesn’t Know
    Because what my computer doesn’t know is that you’ve been gone now for two years. My computer doesn’t know how aggressive your skin cancer was. My computer doesn’t know that we stayed up late with you in your last days, that we stood over you hand in hand praying, that we whispered into your ear “it’s okay, now, let go.”
  • Flying Plates Coffee Dates 
    I’ve shared this before and feel it’s important to keep sharing: That while those unwanted houseguests wanted to rob the joy of my first child, while they played tricks on my body telling it it wasn’t hungry and that I didn’t need to eat, while I began wasting away body and mind, while everything felt like it was falling apart, in the midst of it all, I stopped and I got help.
  • Soldiers and Shield Maidens
    I’ve noticed a trend in pop culture. I don’t know maybe it’s not a trend, maybe I’m just paying attention to it for the first time. I turn on the radio and hear a fight song, flip on the TV and see Shield Maidens and Mother’s of Dragons. In the bookstore thereContinue reading “Soldiers and Shield Maidens”
  • How Our Story Starts
    There he was, this tall ginger with watery blue eyes. He was with a friend of a friend and so we invited him to sit. I got butterflies in my stomach and felt a little nervous. Who was this guy and why was he making my palms sweat? I covered up myContinue reading “How Our Story Starts”
  • Lady Fierce
    My daughter was born with a head full of red hair. My sister-in-law took it upon herself to nickname her “the brave”. A name that I think suits her perfectly. She’s 15-months-old and fearless beyond imagine. She terrifies me with her antics. She has absolutely zero concept of fear, which for meContinue reading “Lady Fierce”
  • His Influence
    My Dad was far from perfect, my parents fought and struggled. But on July 2, 1995 none of that mattered. Perfect or imperfect, he sacrificed himself out of love. It wasn’t my fathers gear that held him to the bottom of the ocean that day, it was love.
  • The Lucky Ones
    I heard a pop, she let out a little cry and crawled over to me. I picked her up in time to watch her eyes roll back in her head, her body went limp and within a few horrifying seconds her lips turned blue. I started screaming; the screams of a womanContinue reading “The Lucky Ones”
  • A Journal and a Jewel CD
    It was the 90s. My Dad and brother had just died; my little community had been riddled with a string of suicides. The pastor of my tiny church was dying of cancer and I was sneaking Marlboro reds behind the oleanders with the neighbor girl. I was in the 6th grade andContinue reading “A Journal and a Jewel CD”
  • Watch the Birds 
    I was in my mid-twenties when my mom remarried. Through this union I gained two new brothers. These boys are different, like night and day, but strangely I love spending time with them, in this weird way they give me comfort. Not because our relationships are so deep-in honesty we’re still gettingContinue reading “Watch the Birds “
  • Life: The Big Event
    My family likes to party. Like really party. We live all over the country and are separated by distance, and yet we see each other on a semi-regular basis. We like each other, despite our quirks and differences, and when we get together the good wine comes out, meals are planned andContinue reading “Life: The Big Event”
  • She Made Some Mistakes: My Mother
    She doesn’t even cry. Not in front of us anyway. She’s like a rock. We’re in a hotel for days while looking for a new house. She keeps us sane, activity-filled, like the destruction of our home is somehow a fun vacation opportunity.
  • Simple Lovely
    I sat on my Aunt’s bed as she brought item after item out of her closet. They were beautiful. Silks and linens, wool, designer prêt à porter. She laid them out, pile upon pile. “When did you last wear it?” I asked. I remember her facial expressions. I wasn’t sure if sheContinue reading “Simple Lovely”
  • Peonies and Promises
    I had kissed him goodbye and put him on a plane. We’d be apart for a month, and although I know so many couples experience time apart, we never really had and I was scared. I wasn’t alone, I had family around helping, but strangely I felt alone. The right side of the bed empty, alone. The baby is crying and I’ve got to do this, alone. I’m feeling lonely, alone.
  • On Inconsistency
    I leapt when I started this blog, this space to put words and thoughts. I knew it would be difficult, a time suck, a free therapist, and a home for my random thoughts. I was excited. I was scared. I still am. But when I began I hadn’t a clue just howContinue reading “On Inconsistency”
  • Quitter
    Quitter: I hate this word. Maybe because from an early age it was ingrained in me to finish what I started. My parents drilled this into me. “Finish what you’ve started. Goal set to be successful.” My best examples of this go as far back as my tee-ball days, man was IContinue reading “Quitter”
  • Miracles, Mysteries, Magic
    Amid crayons, paper scraps and handmade Easter cards we talk. Do you know why we celebrate Easter? A deep question to ask a five-year-old. I expect responses to do with bunnies and egg hunts, candies and jelly bellies. I’m stupefied when he says, “because of Jesus.” I stop dead in my tracks.Continue reading “Miracles, Mysteries, Magic”
  • Prayers for Postpartum Moms
    ***from 3/15 I remember the deep and cold winter that followed the birth of my son. He was born during a snowy Colorado winter, and for reasons beyond my understanding that ice seemed to permeate more than just the exterior of my home. While I felt this incredible wonder and deep wildContinue reading “Prayers for Postpartum Moms”
  • A Thought on Cereal
    I’ve always loved listening to my grandmother’s stories. After High School I made a promise to call her every Sunday. During those Sunday phone calls I learned a lot about her life. She was a career-woman, married to a career-man, balancing four children and a busy life. I remember her once tellingContinue reading “A Thought on Cereal”
  • Confessions of a Broken Body
    Not too long ago I found this picture: In it I am holding my sweet newborn son, behind me, tucked into the corner was my newest fashion accessory. I think back. Just a few days’ home from the hospital with my first baby. His bright new eyes, my broken body. A baby,Continue reading “Confessions of a Broken Body”
  • These Moments are Almost Over
    The other night I rushed my baby girl to bed. I rocked her in the rocking chair a little more swiftly than normal. I hoped she would go for nursing on only one side, rather than both. I sang, I hushed, I did everything I could do to get her to relaxContinue reading “These Moments are Almost Over”
  • February Love, February Grief
    February is one of my favorite months out of the year. At the beginning of the month we celebrate my son’s birth, at the end of the month we celebrate my daughters’, mid-month we celebrate my favorite made up holiday, which justifies eating lots of dark chocolate and heart-shaped cookies. But in theContinue reading “February Love, February Grief”
  • It Doesn’t Have to Be Good
    Just Good Enough. I’ve held back. Day after day, week after week, month after month. Seven years later, I’ve still held back. We were walking a river trail in our new town, our 6th “New Town” in seven years of marriage. The homes, jobs, and cities have all changed, and yet theseContinue reading “It Doesn’t Have to Be Good”

Follow My Blog

Get new content delivered directly to your inbox.

%d bloggers like this: